If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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