talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
