maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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