I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize