Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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