Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
