Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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