I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
