I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
