How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
