So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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