she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, beer. Big fan.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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