A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
