i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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