this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
operation harelip BJ is a go
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
