It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
