if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
