Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
