so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
