I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
