Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The struggles of a small town man whore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
