We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
