I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
