Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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