Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
