Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
