You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
