I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
