; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
