I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
