I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
