Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
