Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You are a genius and a whore.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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