How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize