thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You pole danced in your parka.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize