i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
