sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
