New low: just hacked my moms facebook
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
