"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize