I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
