i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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