I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
