What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
