I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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