Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
