Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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