I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
