Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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