New low: just hacked my moms facebook
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
