Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
