; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please, let me fuck your mom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
