You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
