I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
