i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
