i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
