chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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