I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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