I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You took a bar mat shot.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
