How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need water and some morals
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
