My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
love makes seman taste better
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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