is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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