so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
