thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
