Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
