did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
