its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize