Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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