Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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